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What is a Deathwalker?
A Deathwalker is a compassionate companion - someone who holds a safe space for people to feel comfortable exploring the subjects of end-of-life, dying, death, and beyond. I am someone who has walked the end-of-life path and sat vigil at the bedside of several people as they took their final breaths and parted this life. I am someone that studies profusely, trains, contemplates, and practices an effort to help others (those dying, their loved ones, and also people just looking to plan ahead) to make an effort to experience their best death. I have seen and felt the continuing sting of grief, the frustrations of our cultural obsession with pretending death won't happen (in the medical, corporate, and private worlds), and had to navigate the process, often without the benefit of any forethought or guiding wisdom from the dying as to their wishes. I am someone that does not see the benefit in ignoring the reality of death and dying, and I know the brutal painful, stressful, and complicated path that lies ahead for me and others, when we fail to honor the simple idea of "Memento Mori" - Latin for "Remember you must die".
Is this different than a Death Doula or End-of-Life Doula?
Nope! It's all different names for the same role. I own the title of "Deathwalker" for a few simple reasons:
Before we can truly make progress with the topic of end-of-life, dying, and death we must first overcome a fear of the word "death". Please note: this is different than overcoming any emotions tied to actual death. It's about the word. We can be sensitive and compassionate while also being rooted in reality.
The word "Doula" just doesn't seem right to me. The historical definition of this word makes it a poor fit for myself and the role I seek to fill. That being said, I honor and respect the work of those modern doulas that have chosen to embrace and redefine the term. The title is far less important than the intention and the work. To that end, much of the research, collaboration, and study I do is within the community of those embracing the term "doula", and I am eternally grateful to them for their support, teaching, and work. It simply isn't a term I feel fits me.
As a compassionate companion, I walk with people on their journey and exploration. I cannot and do not do the work for others, but I can be a trustworthy, confidential, respectful, and safe walking stick - a tool to help support and make the path a bit easier to pursue. And let's be honest, "Death Walking Stick" wouldn't work.
Isn't this all a bit morbid?
I certainly don't think so, and my hope is to help you reach the same understanding. I can assure you that I am far from a morbid or resigned person. To the contrary, if there is just one thing that you take away from our time together, I would like for it to be this: Yes, we will all die, and thinking, discussing, and planning to make that experience as loving, personal, spiritual, and peaceful as possible is anything but morbid, bleak, or negative.
What makes you the expert on dying?
I don't claim to be an expert, nor do I pretend to have access to a secret well of knowledge, hidden from the rest. I am someone that has real-life experience with end-of-life, dying, and death situations. I am someone that committed to and completed the intense University of Vermont Larner College of Medicine certificate program for End-Of-Life Doulas. I have read and studied extensively on these subjects. I am also someone that has been called to this work. I have not died…been close a time or two, but as far as I am aware, I’ve stayed on this side of things. I don’t have all the answers, never will, and that’s not the point. My role as a Deathwalker is to hold a safe space and serve as a compassionate companion for others who are seeking their truths in life, death, and beyond.
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